In a time when everyone is making resolutions, I’m just
reflecting! Here are ten life lessons that I’ve learned this year… It may be
long, but it’s worth it! :)
10. Things get better
At the start of this year I was having some difficulties;
work, school, my purpose, friends and family... things just felt unsettled.
Things got so bad that I was walking around with a twitchy eye and upset
stomach for almost 8 whole weeks! For those of you who don’t know a repeated
eye twitch is the sign that you aren’t right! NO ONE’S eye should be twitching
for that length of time! So let’s just cut to the chase, I was really stressed
out and somewhat unhappy. I am usually an optimist so this type of mood, is out
of my nature and makes me a crabby patty to be around.
However, despite it all I stayed the course, and even more importantly
I prayed and never stopped praying (even when my faith was low). Now don’t get
me wrong my life is far from perfect, but I can assure you that things just got
better. It seems like when we are in the middle of a storm it feels like things
are going to last forever, but the truth is you’ve been in a storm before and
guess what? The sun came out again. No matter HOW BAD things get, we have to
remember that every storm will eventually run out of rain. And the icing on the
cake is that the worst storms usually bring out the best rainbows.
9. Travel
This one is simple; get out and see the world! This year I
was fortunate enough to experience six different countries in Europe. It was
amazing! Germany, Spain, France, Italy, The Vatican, and Monaco.. It was truly
the vacation of a lifetime and I must say that ROME. WAS. AMAZING! Don’t let
you legacy be limited to your location (I think I just preached a word, lol… if
you tweet that, just give me my credit j/k), but really seeing the world
changed me, you realize that life is bigger than your circle and what’s
happening in your zipcode. Get out there and see the world.
8. Don’t Waste Your
Time
I once REALLY REALLY REALLY liked this guy, I thought that he
was probably one of the best things since sliced bread, Chi flatirons, and red
matte lipstick.. I think you get it, I thought this guy was better than the
bomb (I mean I listed him up there with red matte lipstick… there are not many earthly
things I’m more enamored by) . A modern day prince if you asked me.
But this year taught me that he thought I was.. well… how do
I say this… ummm..well.. IRRELEVANT.
Yep, I said it; the brother couldn’t possibly care less. Like any good
player, it was dang hard for me to come to this realization, but it’s true and
the truth shall set you free. So I picked up my pride, dusted it off, and
marched on, but not without a good life lesson in hand; those people who want
to be in your life will do everything in their power to stay there, and those
who don’t, won’t! It is just that simple!
This lesson though REAL hard to swallow, was twofold for me because
it also taught me to not waste my time trying to make a circle fit into a
square. If a person does not want to spend their time with you, they WON’T. Try
real hard not to make excuses for why that person is not around and walk away.
I know I personally made mental excuse after mental excuse about why he was not
ever present in my life, and the cold hard truth is that he just didn’t want to
be. I just realized that I wasted a lot
of time, when I could have been out saving the world! #gameover
7. Love = Liberation
Over the past few years I have been a student, well let me
be honest, I’ve been a student since I was three with never longer than a one
year break. So I guess one would say I
KNOW school but this current program that I am in has drastically changed
my thinking in ways that I would have never imagined. I have learned more about
social justice and the injustices of our society in the past 2.5 years than I have
learned throughout my whole life, let’s just say that things got real. Well, in
that realness I read one of the most influential books of my life entitled Pedagogy
of the Oppressed by Paulo Freire. In order for me to completely rehash this
book and its awesomeness I would need to write pages upon pages and this post
is getting long enough and I still have six more topics to write about, so I
will be short, the book talks about radical love! Radical love that can heal
our communities, restore our societies, and liberate the people. If you don’t
listen to anything else I say, I challenge you to read one book this upcoming
year that challenges your thinking and is deeper than The Chronicles of the
Baddest Hood Mistress in the Ghetto who Wants to Get Saved.
6. Believe them
People will be people and trust me we are all due the
opportunity to make a few mistakes, but sometimes we need to believe people
when they first show us who they are. I talked to a guy for a little while, and
then out of the blue he disappeared. Came back, apologized, and disappeared
again. Only to reappear some time later,
do I need to mention that he disappeared again or nah? The moral of this story
is simple; after that first disappearing act I should have believe that this was
in fact his character and that disappearing just might be his thing. I put
myself through unnecessary stress on this one. SMH. Giving a person a second
chance that has shown you their patterns is a little foolish and brings into
question your better judgment. I’m not judging cause I been there. Maya Angelou
says it best “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.”
5. Change can be
good
So this year I cut off all my hair! This decision was doubly
dramatic for me, because I had been wearing a long curly weave for the last few
years. The process was actually pretty intense and sort of soul stirring.
However, it was something that I KNEW I had to do, I had lost the value of my
own hair and my own natural beauty and I needed something that would bring ME
back. I knew just taking the weave down was not enough so I chopped it all off.
Hands down, this was one of my best decisions of 2013! I am no longer hiding
under some artificial nest of hair… change can be REALLY good!
4. Let Life and Love Happen
Let me tell you a story.
This summer some of my friends and I decided to take a
summer vacation get away! This was going to be great; sun and fun on the beach,
what could be a better stress reliever? Well not quite, I had a huge paper due
before the weekend was over, so I had no choice but to bring my computer along.
On the day we were slated to leave, we
all had to arrive at the airport no later than 7am in order to catch the first
flight out. I woke up around 4:30am and by the time we reached the airport I
was a full-fledged crabby patty. Needless to say I was hungry and my eyes were
barely open, I’m a morning person, but this day I just wasn’t feeling it. I
grabbed something to eat and found a seat outside of our departure gate. Now,
usually I am running my mouth talking and full of life but this day I was just
out of sorts… sleepy and ready to get on with things. Just then two of my
friends who happen to have known me the longest time spotted a man walking up
to our gate with his kid. “Ohhh he’s so Martha’s type” one said. “He’s exactly
what she likes” the other said. I glanced up quietly, checked him out, and put
my head back down ignoring their comments. Yes, he was attractive, but I wasn’t
interested in any men at the moment, I just wanted to go back to sleep. They
chatted on for a few more moments and then let it go.
Twenty minutes later or so we all boarded the plane. I did
not see the man anymore, but I can’t say that I was checking for him either. I
found my seat, I was in the aisle, my friend was by the window and there was a
stranger in between us. After I realized that I would be getting NO sleep on
this flight (I never do), I did what any good nerd would do and I took out my
computer to get to work. My friend made a comment that she was proud of me for
doing my work and said that this graduate degree wouldn’t get itself. I typed
along for an hour or so before she woke up feeling sick and headed to the
bathroom. Feeling sick she came back to our row and asked me to switch seats
with her so that I could take the window and she could take the aisle seat. I agreed
and quickly moved seats. Not five minutes after I sat down did I hear someone
mumbling behind me (I’m not sure about anyone else but my hearing is VERY
limited in the air). “What are you getting a graduate degree in?” the voice said,
and then I knew that someone was talking to me. I turned around and to my surprise;
it was the man that we saw boarding the plane. Before I knew it we were talking
until we reached our destination. His conversation was prefect and I'm not sure if I mentioned that he was FINE, NO VERY FINE!
We exchanged email addresses and by following Monday we had talked
on the phone and made plans to hang out. Long story short; he was amazing. Like
behind amazing! We even got to hang out after we each got back home and everything was perfect.
Now as perfect as this story may seem, things didn’t work out. As fairytale as
things seemed I could have become disgruntled and upset, but I didn’t. There is
a very important moral to this story; just let life and love happen. Don’t try
to plan for it. Don’t run from it. And when things don’t work out don’t be
bitter!
3. It’s Okay to Fail
I think I have tried to do just about everything (well at
least in my mind I have). And much of what I have tried to do has failed. I
started a non-profit in 2009; that failed. I started an online store in 2012 (www.accessoryicon.com) , that’s about to go
out of business. The list could go on and on and on… But despite all of my
failures, I’m going to always keep trying again.
2. Stay Connected to Your Source
1. You are enough
In a world where we are constantly reminded that we aren’t tall enough, smart enough, wild enough,
pretty enough, rich enough, wise enough, thin enough, or cool enough. This year has taught me
that I am enough. No matter who you are, what you’ve done, or what you have
been through… YOU.ARE.ENOUGH.
Happy New Year :)
